Bretzinshow

Ken: 00:00

I almost did not record this episode because of so many different reasons, impostor syndrome, technical difficulties, and also because I'm maybe a little bit of a coward. I was really debating if I had the the balls, the cajones to, share this. I've only told four people in my life this story, and I just told myself when I started this podcast that what people have always told me they wanted from me is my reliability, my brutal honesty, and truly how I keep it real. Truly how I keep it real. I don't want to say keep it 100.

Ken: 00:36

I'm trying to move into this new chapter in life where I keep it like 75%. A, because that's about the energy level I have. And b, just because, I don't know, keeping it 100 all the time can go wrong. You can be too brutally honest. I think 75% gives me the opportunity and the time and the space to, kickball change into a different direction before I put 100% of my foot in my mouth.

Ken: 01:03

But, yeah, I wasn't sure I was going to tell anyone this story, but, I think it's something that people need to hear, and, I hope that some people feel seen with from it. If they've had, like, similar bad experiences, they don't think that they're alone. And honestly, to have the opportunity just to commiserate with how damn raggedy it is outside. It's raggedy out here. There are some good employers, but there sure as hell are a lot of raggedy ones.

Ken: 01:31

So let's get into it. 10 interviews. A fancy dinner in a members restaurant where I felt like I was the only person who didn't speak millionaire, sitting across from my would be employer, looking me dead in my face and saying, I just need one throat to choke. Y'all, I was the throat. And still, after all of that and much more, I was still going to say yes to this job, to the stress, to the version of me that knew better but just didn't listen.

Ken: 01:58

Hey, hey, showstopper. Welcome to Bretson's show where the stories are 100% real. The lessons are mostly accidental, but the chaos is lovingly curated. Today's story, whew, it's about how I came so close to saying yes to something that didn't serve me at all. A job that looked perfect on paper, but would have required me to origami fold myself into a version of me that I didn't even want to be.

Ken: 02:23

Before we dive in, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this with someone who is in a toxic relationship, but they stay in it because they can fix them. Alright. Let's rewind. This was never a dream job because, hello, I do not dream of work. Honestly, I wasn't even sure I wanted to stay in the industry that I had just left, but this company came for me, and I mean it came for me hard.

Ken: 02:44

10 interviews, speaking to multiple people in this company. Interviews on Sundays, interviews on my vacation, calling, email, text me all hours of a day as if I already worked there. No one could quite tell me exactly the same story about what the role was. The role even started as one thing and then changed to another one. But the only thing that was consistent about what I was being told about this company and and what I would be doing there is how confident everyone was that I was the perfect person for this role.

Ken: 03:14

Now don't get me wrong. I am good at what I do. I know that my resume is is it's giving, but something just wasn't sitting right. Like there were some aspects of the courting process that felt a little desperate, but, know, I kept trying to push that thought down because I think a lot of times I have, and I suffer from imposter syndrome like many people. And I'm like, oh, I'm not that good or they're not that they're not that interested in me.

Ken: 03:38

You're just making it up. And I'm like, Ken, whatever. Just explore this opportunity. You know, drink your own Kool Aid, whatever. You are good at what you do.

Ken: 03:47

So it makes sense that they would be interested to you. Fine. Still throughout this entire process, I kept going because I didn't want to be the person who walked away from an opportunity, especially one that, again, on paper, met my skill set and had the potential to really help me kind of contribute meaningfully to my household. Also, I had a member of my family that was in the hospital at the time, and I was thinking like, hey, like, I just I can't afford to be turning down jobs, even though I I really approached my sabbatical and leaving my last one with, I wanna be intentional about what I do. When this came up, I just felt like I owed it to, I don't know who, capitalism, to pursue it and to at least see it through.

Ken: 04:26

And, you know, at the end, if if we get all the way through the process or at any point at any point that I feel like this is just not the right fit or this does not suit me, I can just back out. But at that point, I just felt I had to keep exploring this opportunity and just couldn't afford to walk away from it. Eventually, after about three months of the eight ish, nine ish virtual interviews, and sidebar, it is insane to ask a candidate to talk to you that many times, regardless of what the role is. Like, I get it. You know, certain leadership roles are very significant.

Ken: 04:58

You know, the impact cannot be understated. But if you have to talk to someone eight or nine times to feel out the situation and see if it's a good fit, it sounds like we're just not a good fit. Sounds like someone's missing discernment. And maybe I should talk this up to the fact that there were just so many people involved, but still that in and of itself is like a part of chaos that is baked into this weird ass process. Whatever.

Ken: 05:21

After all of that, after the three months of of of all the various interviews, they asked me to fly out to their HQ at my own expense. They changed my itinerary multiple times, made me change my flight multiple times because they wanted me to fly out of different locations. They wanted me to, meet them in different places. Anyways, the day I flew out there, I had no itinerary of when I was meeting with them. That's not true.

Ken: 05:44

I I knew when I would be meeting with them for dinner, but my first meeting, which was supposed to be the offer presentation meeting after they were supposed to send it to me before, but then decided to change their mind and it was better to present it to me in person. So I fly out, and it wasn't until I landed that they emailed me to tell me that my first meeting for my offer presentation was in forty five minutes. I have not said by design where I flew into and where this was, but it was a major metropolitan area with a huge airport. So when I put in the HQ address from the airport, the GPS said it was going to take me an hour and a half to get there. So now I am late to a meeting that was never even scheduled.

Ken: 06:32

On top of that, I get the most intense motion sickness like, oh my god, it's so incredibly bad. And it is exasperated by heat. So I'm motion sick. I'm sweating. I'm disoriented and late.

Ken: 06:45

And as someone who was chronically late, I felt so good going to into this meeting, whatever, because I was going to be like four hours early to dinner. Now I'm over an hour late to this meeting about my offer. Great. I feel like shit. So I show up frazzled inside, but I don't frazzled on the outside, but I don't know.

Ken: 07:04

Maybe they could tell. And honestly, was really met with, well, that's unfortunate energy from these people. Not this was a huge inconvenience. Not we've been kind of dicking you around all weekend and with your travel plans and sorry for the last minute meeting request. It was just kind of like par for the course.

Ken: 07:22

So I get there, they pull me into a conference room, and they slide an offer across. And this offer was four pages. It was a substantial compensation package, which would make sense because there are KPIs and relocation packages, and all those things are are kind of part of it. But there was no preamble. There was no, here's some of the highlights.

Ken: 07:41

The only thing that they said before I start looking at it is, hey, we want you to know that several people worked on this compensation package, and we've been working on it for the last couple of weeks. I think it was told to me to give the sense that a lot of care went into it. You know, they didn't just run it through chat GBT. It was it was odd because I was trying to like, there is a reason why the effort is being discussed. And I don't know if that was like, because the all in number, they wanted me to think that like it is substantial because there was effort behind it.

Ken: 08:12

I don't know. I can't I can't really understand the intention behind it, but there was definitely a reason why that was prefaced. And to be clear, I do not want to be dismissive of the number. I did not by any means looked like disturbed or unhappy, but it was almost like the response they were expecting from me is like, you know those like, those monkeys with a crank behind them and the cymbals? Like, I feel like everyone was looking at me like I was gonna hop up on the table and just start clapping and just be so overjoyed by the number.

Ken: 08:41

Like, don't get me wrong. It was significant, but like, I'm sorry. This is a negotiation. Are y'all new? I don't think y'all are new because there's gray hair on the other side of the table for me.

Ken: 08:50

Well, surely y'all know, and this is like an exchange, and there may be some back and forth, but as of right now, you all have had more time looking at this, compensation package than I have. I had like forty five seconds. So they just didn't look like they got the response from me that they wanted. So like once I got done reviewing it, they then reviewed the package, which I thought was like backwards. And then they're like, So what do you think?

Ken: 09:14

And again, it was one of those moments where I was like, Did y'all expect me to be like, Oh my god, where's my pen? Why is there not a pen in my hand? My hand is shaking with the anticipation of signing this offer. No, no. So I very quickly was just like, wow.

Ken: 09:28

Thank you so much for going over that. I appreciate the the detail. And again, it sounds like there was a lot of thought that went into putting this package together, and I wanna be equally intentional with my response. So I would love to have the opportunity after dinner to review this and get back to you. Girl, are y'all okay?

Ken: 09:42

Now, I don't typically talk about money because I think it's like a little tacky, but just to give you all some context and and and the significance of of this opportunity, The all in number for year one for this job was over half a million dollars. Even I'm very thankful for how things ended up with the situation, but like, that is a transformative amount of money. At least it is for me. I don't know. I even go for it.

Ken: 10:15

I'm just like, that's not what I come from. Like, you know, my family is very working class. Everything that I have done in my professional career, my income has grown, of course, but like, this was more than doubling what I was making before. I would be able to help my family. And again, like I said, I had someone in the hospital, and they had some financial challenges with their hospitalization.

Ken: 10:36

I was like, wow, this role would have me moving away, but I would be making enough money that I would be able to still help. And I I maybe that would make up for my absence, whatever. I don't even know. Was just like saying all sorts of shit about how my life would be better. Anyways.

Ken: 10:49

But even with how awkward things had been, the journey up until the offer, and everything that's proceeding it, like, in my mind, like, I'm still gonna sign this. Not right now. I'm going to take this job. No matter what, I'm going to take this job. Because even though in that moment, my gut was telling me to run, the number was whispering, maybe you can just figure it out later.

Ken: 11:12

It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Maybe you'll be miserable. Maybe you'll be stressed. Maybe you'll have zero work life balance.

Ken: 11:18

You probably won't see your husband very often, but I really was imagining what my life was going be like. It'd be a fresh start in a new city where no one knew me. A version of myself that didn't have to explain the burnout, the caregiving, the compromises. But my husband, even before I left, but especially afterwards, he wasn't sold. Like, he was not fazed by the number.

Ken: 11:40

He honestly did not care because, and maybe I'll get into this in a future episode, but like, before I left my old job, like I was in like a really, really bad place. And I started to have like a lot of like issues with my health. And my husband obviously saw and was helping me throughout that entire process. So I think that like his antennae were like up immediately from the beginning. And I I think that he always was against me taking this job, but he just knew that and could see me in real time convincing myself that I was just gonna make it work or it'll be fine or I'll figure it out.

Ken: 12:15

But he was never impressed by it. He's he is my true north when I allow him to be. I don't often, I don't always take his advice on things. But he was he's like my white flag. He's like my white husband that's also like a white flag.

Ken: 12:29

I just need to listen, but whatever. Hindsight is twenty twenty. He just knew how much effort it would take to uproot everything, our lives, you know, selling our house, our dogs. We have a dog that's 13 years old. And he just saw the red flags for what they were, even when I was trying to paint them beige.

Ken: 12:46

And that's like all the time. Like I'm just very much like the one of our boys, just like, Oh babe, it's fine. We'll figure it out. Like, we can do this. We can do this.

Ken: 12:52

And he's always like, But why why maybe we shouldn't. Even though we can, and even though there's a path forward to like figuring something out, maybe we just like shouldn't do it because of a bad idea. A concept. But whatever. We both knew that even if, especially with the move, we both knew that even if it came later, because it was going to be a deferred, deferred move, it would come at a cost to us.

Ken: 13:17

So let's get to the dinner. They took me to a members only dinner club. These people are incredibly wealthy, but there are a few spaces that I've ever felt like uncomfortable because I truly believe that you have to walk into every space like you own it. But baby, baby, have you ever walked into a space and you just been like, my net worth don't match. My net worth is not matching where I'm at.

Ken: 13:43

Like, should I be in here? It was, it was wild. As soon as you walked into this restaurant, won't say the name obviously, the Metrodie, they take your phone and they put stickers on the front and back camera. Like, I was like, I thought we were just coming here to push around a salad on a plate and have awkward conversation over it. Like, where the hell am I?

Ken: 14:01

They start walking us to our table and I'm just kind of like looking around the room and trying not to look like I'm like fish out of water. The first face of the eye clock, Jessel from Real Housewives of New York. And I mean, with the bob, the girl had the bob and the bob is really cute, Jessel. I really love and I was like, okay, okay, okay. So this is that kind of exclusive.

Ken: 14:20

Also, you guys hear about the new Rooney? I don't know. Sometimes maybe just we don't need to reboot things. IDK. Yeah.

Ken: 14:27

Sometimes when you cast using like focus groups and things like that, it just doesn't quite pan out very well on camera. You don't really get that that the synergies of, I don't know, people who actually know each other, who are actually friends, who have actual real drama. There was like multiple episodes where they were like fighting over a cheese plate, and I was looking at my husband like, What are we looking at? I've gotten off track. Mind you, we're in this restaurant.

Ken: 14:50

I haven't eaten all day, but this is not probably the time where I'm just gonna like, you know, stuff my face. I'm going to be like very polite and make sure that I'm eating something that is like conducive to like having a conversation that's not messy. I eat something I probably do not want to eat that is not delicious. Ugh. Fuck.

Ken: 15:06

Anyways, so when we got there, we had to wait for the other person who we will refer to as head honcho. We had to wait for a head honcho to get there to order anything. I mean, at this point, it's it's like 06:00. Once everyone was seated, it just started turning into like a conversation that I felt like I needed like a five year long subscription to The Economist to even like participate in. Like, I'm like, I'm like capable of like code switching, but my bank account just doesn't really match like the subject matter.

Ken: 15:33

Like there's there's not a way for me to like seamlessly like go back and forth with people who are talking about yachts and investment portfolios across the world. I feel like I communicate very well. I'm very engaging and charismatic, but like, I just didn't know how to hop in in the right way. I would never categorize myself as like shy, but I definitely was not speaking as much as I normally would. And maybe I was coming across like a little awkward, but either way, I could just tell that I wasn't giving the reactions that they wanted or like, I don't know.

Ken: 16:05

I just wasn't like, the the vibes were off. It probably was because this person, when they say the ick, I never knew what like people meant. Was like, what the hell are the kids talking about the I understood that. Like, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach that, this person is gross. I want to have nothing to do with them.

Ken: 16:22

And while I know I'm good at, like, not, like, showing it all in, like, my face or my body, I'm sure it was at minimum diluting, I guess, how I was participating in this conversation, for sure. And I could just tell that the person was not vibing. So finally the conversation actually turns to, I don't know what the hell we're here about, the job, and me. And they're talking about like organizational structures or whatever. And when they're talking about like responsibility and like holding people accountable, one of the other people at the table says, Yeah, yeah, I can understand like why you would be frustrated head honcho.

Ken: 16:54

But what you need to understand is the reason why we want to bring someone like Ken in, I will never forget this, the reason why we want to bring someone like Ken in is because you just need one throat to choke. I don't know if these fools thought that they transported themselves into the locker room and they were I don't know. They're at the tavern and just like smashing beers against their heads or whatever. But like, to so cavalierly speak about someone in that way, and that person is there, I was blown away. On one hand, I'm just like, wow.

Ken: 17:23

But also it was good because I'm like, okay, this is what they're saying in front of me. What the hell would they say if I wasn't present? One throat to choke. Have y'all lost your mind? I was like, oh, wow.

Ken: 17:32

Interesting turn of phrase. I haven't heard of that one. The other end of person was like, it's just something that people say. Was like, who are people? Is it like Game of Thrones?

Ken: 17:39

That was not a metaphor. That was not a joke. Just a casual act of corporate violence. And for obvious reasons, the vibe shifted thereafter. As dinner kind of got wrapped up, head honcho leaves, they say to the other person, call me when you're done with him.

Ken: 18:00

Bruh. I was like, okay, we just, we dropped all pretense. Was like, okay, cool. Was In my head, I'm just like, this person does not, will not live in the same state as me. You know, I probably won't have to interact with them like a ton.

Ken: 18:12

They're not the people I work with every single day. Like, don't even worry about this. This is just business. Right. But the person who stayed with me, it just, I don't even think that they made eye contact with me again after that comment.

Ken: 18:23

And that's leaving the restaurant, the cab to the hotel that we were both staying at, and even to getting out of the cab. When we were supposed, when we were walking into the hotel, the other person said, Well, I need to go to the ATM, so I'll just see you in the morning. Turns and walks down the street. Y'all, there's an ATM right in the lobby. I was like, Oh God.

Ken: 18:42

Kent, they're not feeling you. Girl, girl. I'm just like, meanwhile, I'm like questioning myself. I'm like, Oh my God, what did I do? Did I do something weird?

Ken: 18:53

Did I say something weird? Was like, I know I didn't say anything weird. It's like, was I just like uncomfortable when they could tell? Like, in my head, I'm just like trying to like figure out what I did wrong. Like me, what I did wrong with like they're talking crazy.

Ken: 19:05

Whatever. Later that night, it was like super late. I couldn't go to sleep, but it was like after midnight, let me check my email just in case like I missed something, because we talked about something that they were gonna send, I was like, Oh, maybe they sent it to me, I don't want them to think I'm not looking at my email around the clock, when I don't want to be looking at my email around the clock. Goofy. Anyways, I was looking at my phone and you know, with the update now, you get them AI summaries, and those AI summaries are just a mess.

Ken: 19:30

But anyways, I got some AI summaries for some missed phone calls in an email, and the email AI summary said, Trip canceled. Urgent call needed. It's 12:30. I'm like, what? Urgent call, like, my god, something happen?

Ken: 19:44

Like, did one of them get like an accent? Like, I'm thinking like fire, flood, blood. Something catastrophic has happened. Let's fast forward to the next morning. I wake up at 6AM.

Ken: 19:54

I already have multiple missed calls and sorry, the missed calls from the night before and the emails were not from the company. They were from the recruiting firm. I was just like, what? Like I hadn't like, once the trip booking thing happened, I hadn't really had much communication with the recruiting firm because again, they like that they out of it. So I called the number back.

Ken: 20:13

I think it's the recruiter I've been speaking to. And no, it's not that recruiter. It's actually the owner of the recruiting firm. I've never spoken to this person in my entire life. I was like, hey, I got the emails.

Ken: 20:25

Like, something happened? What's going on? Yeah. We just want to let you know, Ken, that, the offer has been rescinded. Your trip has been canceled.

Ken: 20:31

You need to rebook your travel back home and send your receipts in for reimbursement, but they they no longer think you are a good fit. And I'm just like, I mean, it's like 06:00 in the morning. I haven't even brushed my teeth. So like, when I'm my mouth is like a drive that I can't even like put into words. So I'm just trying to like figure out like what to say.

Ken: 20:48

I'm like, okay, sorry to hear. Did something happen? And they said, well, they discovered your social media, and the videos they saw are not someone that they want to be leading their organization. So again, very early, I tried to go back through my mind because like I haven't I don't have really been on Instagram very often. Years ago, I stopped cussing on like my reels or whatever.

Ken: 21:16

I don't ever talk about like my employer. I never said anything incendiary. I'm just like, Oh my God, like, did I say something like alt righty? Like, what the hell would they find? And like, at this point, I should have been like, Okay, thank you.

Ken: 21:27

I'll I'll go home. But I I just need to know what part of like, of of my IG just blew this all up. So I said, Is there a particular video that they were concerned with? Yeah. Yeah.

Ken: 21:42

He said, Yeah. One of the videos was about three day weekends after a holiday. What is corporate for I know you fucking lying. Because what? All the hot takes.

Ken: 21:54

I don't I don't I don't think, I mean, that was like lukewarm at best. I was like, okay, well, fuck me. Well, thank you so much. I'm so sorry for the time that that's been wasted, but I certainly appreciate all your efforts, and, I will send my receipts when I get home. I mean, what else the hell else I can say?

Ken: 22:10

Hang up. Hack my shit. Go home. But after all of that, if they had not rescinded my offer, do you know I probably would have still said yes? Because even through all of my discomfort that day, the offer, the dinner, weird everything else thereafter, I was convincing myself.

Ken: 22:25

Was like, this is what it's like to be a leader in a in a huge company. You know, it's gonna be uneasy. When I called my husband and told him I blew it, I was crying because I messed this up and it was because of my Instagram. My stupid videos were rude at all. He broke down.

Ken: 22:39

Was like, babe, like, I never wanted you to go. This was always a bad situation from start to finish. You should not be thinking that, like, you did something wrong. These people are just terrible, and you had the benefit of seeing it before you were locked in or before we were, like, contractually obligated to to to to be connected with them. And when I got home, we talked about it more because I was still like beating myself up all through the Uber, all through the airport, all through my flight, all the way home.

Ken: 23:06

When we sat and talked again, he was just like, Babe, I truly want you to do something that makes you feel like a whole person. And you have wanted to start a podcast forever. Y'all, he bought me a podcast mic like three Christmases ago. And so we've been talking about it. So after that, I just kind of changed my energy and stopped focusing on finding a job.

Ken: 23:31

And instead, I said a lot to podcasts. But that whole moment, and honestly, just his like faith in me is why I'm here right now. It's why I'm behind this mic in front of you today. So let me just kind of tell you a little bit what I learned about from this, from this crazy, crazy journey. I learned that when you are desperate for relief or, or more desperate to be seen, you will make chaos look like comfort.

Ken: 24:01

I often say, you can't drink from every cup that is presented to you. Every cup is not meant for you. And yes, I am a hydration advocate. I truly think that most of life's problems is because y'all are walking around thirsty. But when you are thirsty for self worth, you will look at things that are absolutely crazy and be like, you know what?

Ken: 24:23

I can make this work. Don't you just, you know, life ain't about comfort. Life is not about getting what you want. Gotta deal with crazy things to to be quote unquote happy. And happy in this equation was just money.

Ken: 24:35

Okay. That's it. I'm I'm tired of talking to myself. Oh god. It's it's been a journey.

Ken: 24:39

I'm so happy that I finally got this episode done. I've been literally trying to I've been trying so hard to get this recorded. But anyways, thank you so much. You showed up. Now let's show out.